What happens now?

Its been years. Seriously, years since we last met. I've grown up, I've learned so much and yet nothing at all. I've discovered love and heartbreak and 8 million other things. There is no point in trying to catch you up, way too much ground to cover. So basically I will just spill how I am feeling right now, and everything else may start to make sense. My heart is shattered into thousands of teeny tiny little pieces. I am learning to trust my gut more than anything, learning that God gave me that sense of "knowing" true intentions, what is going on behind the curtain. Its hard not to question myself, wonder if I'm doing the right things. Its hard not to let my desire to make everyone happy get in the way. But in the end, all that matters is that little girl sleeping in the other room. All that matters is that she grows up in a secure, steady environment. All that matters is that I do everything I can to put her best interest first. Nothing like having a baby to put your perspectives in order. There is anger so great burried deep inside, a hurt like nothing I can expressed deep down in my soul. But I know that I have to let go of it, hand it to God like the rest of this insane and crazy situation. I don't and didn't want to believe what people said. "Blood is thick", "he's there son". Today showed me that I was probably wrong, and that breaks my heart. I may never understand how its possible for people to be this way. How is it possible for people to lie, to turn their back on someone they loved, how can they do that? I'm sure I am no different. I probably do things like this to people all the time and don't notice. But it doesn't make the sting any less. I wonder constantly if any of this matters. Why do I beat myself up until Im broken and bleeding over a little mistake, when people all around me are making huge ones with no remorse. Why do I feel an overwhelming need to put everyone else s feelings, perceptions and wants ahead of my own?Its probably best I didn't know, I may have taken her and ran, never looking back. But I want a victory. I want to prove that I can stand on my won two feet. That I can do this without the support system I thought I had. But I am left wondering what is the point? You think you know people. You think you have security and you think everything is going to be okay, and you tell yourself that over and over and over. And when you wake up to find that it isn't, what do you do then? What happens now?