Someday

i used to believe in someday.
someday, things would be perfect, i would be ok with you, i would love you, like you loved me, we would share our life togehter, no, it wouldnt be perfect, but knwing you were there would make everything ok.
someday, is never going to happy.
all we have is the here and now, and let me tell you, it sucks.
i used to be optimistic.
i used to know deep down, that yeah, things may suck rihgt now, but they will get better, they always do.
somehow, that seems to have changed.
it doesnt get better it gets worse.
and what seems to be the hardest part, is that, i am looking on the birhgt side.
i was being positive, i was SO excited cuz things seemed to be looking up.
and they took it away.
or i guess invertably i did.
yet understanding how i did that seems to be missing.
yes, alex is mad at me.
shes mad at me because she is uncomfortable around me.
like its in my control to change that.
like i can help that.
maybe it is my fault.
maybe i make people uncomfortable.
how, no one seems to know.
but honestly, why is it when one thing falls apart, everything else does too.
why is it that when i find my hope, it gets taken a way in the blink of an eye?
how is that fair?
i cant do right by anyone, and people are so cruel.
i dont understand how anyone can be, let alone this amny people.
everyone, just mean.
whats happening to my life?