Wrong

I'm not happy with him. And i'm not really with him. We aren't in a realationship. We're sleeping together. Thats it. There is no love here, no happiness that comes other then from feeling needed for five minutes. There is no future. Simply me, doing something i never thought i would do, in serach of somethin im scared to find. If i found someone better, i'd leave him. Or stop sleeping with him i guess i should say. I deserve better. Or maybe i dont for allowing this to happen, but i feel as if i do. I think i deserve better. I think i deserve someone who would love me, for more then what i give them. Someone who cares about getting to know me, rather then this...whatever it is. I know im not prepeared to just cut him off completly, simply because i dont want to be alone. But im looking for someone better. For someone who will actually care and love me. For someone who wants to spend time with me. I'm done living this lie, living the wrong thing for me. This isnt me. I'm a good kid. I'm caring, not shallow and....i dont even know how to describe how i am being.
How i stop it i do not know, but believe me im trying.
Trust me, im trying.