wow

that book was good. I cried alot. Lots of people died, lots of thought provoking questions were brought up. now i feel like i should be greatful for every single thing i have. I'm scared of teh future. I hate not knowing what religion i stand for. Its so hard remembering that , because ive so blindly accepted christianity since thats how i was raised, but now its like i dont understand it and it makes no sesne and i want my own religion adn i just want to live my life adn be a good person and have that be enough. i dont want to go to hell for not understanding. Life seems so freaking confusing sometimes. Megan comes home tomrow. I'm glad in som ways, but others i am so not looking forward ot it. I love her, and we get along great and we have great tiems together but were so different. Its complicated, because i love her and shes amazing but none of my friends like her ebcause she loud and tehy jsut dont get her like i do, adn thats ok, but i dont like her friends and i dont enjoy doing what she does like partying with people i dont knwo and ahving sex with anything that walks..( not even that has a penis.) its scary, because i know i become a different person with her and lose the good me more and more and its going to be ahrd adn im scared and fuck!!1 jsut when i was getting used to things. really though i was. THings with aaron are fine adn sean and me are totally done because hes changed adn he sees e as this weak and stupid female ( really he does) and i cant be around him because he jsut bashes me every chance eh gets and i dont understnad how we went from being insane close to....this. I loathe him. And grrr. my dad comes back tomoro and thigns have been great without him and i feel like my life is like a tornado and it just keeps picking up all this shit!!! im really stressed right now whicih is dumb because i got my application turned in and im studying for my spanish ( sort of ) and i shouldnt be but its like it never ends. Theres always more for me to worry about. i swear at the rate im goiong ill have an ulcer by twenty. If i even mak it that far. sometimes i wonder. I need to go study,,,, but grrrrr